It all started while I was swirling yogurt. Pumpkin flavored with gramcracker topping to be exact. I told this cute guy at the register that he had a ‘big butt’. And instead of getting me fired…. it got me a husband!
Greg and I are high school sweethearts. And we have been through a lot together. Recently we celebrated being together TWELVE years–yeah a DOZEN years! And those 12 years have gone by faster than we ever believed imaginable. Those years have also brought up challenges that we have had to work through together. The 12 years we have been together have not always been easy either. And in those not easy times, our relationship has been shaped the most. Over the 12 years, there have been three things we have learned the most about relationships and we want to share those with you today.
It gets easier, but it also gets harder…then it gets easier, and… yep you guessed it… it gets harder. Basically what I am trying to say, is that life will never actually get ‘easier’. So if you are sitting hoping that something will change, without action it most likely won’t. But what does happen over the years, is that you learn to communicate better, listen better, hold your tongue better and all around care about someone better. Oh, you also learn to forgive better too.
Life never gets easy, it will always throw curve balls. What I have really learned is that it is not what life gives you, it is how you handle those situations. A truly great relationship comes from two people that know how to handle the good times and the bad. So if your waiting for the better, don’t be disappointed when it doesn’t come. However, you can create the better. work on communication, work on biting your tongue and work on just being better to each other. We promise it goes a LONG way.
It takes two (and no that is not just a 90’s movie)… What I have learned is that there is rarely just one person involved in a fight. It takes two people to fight. This is not to say always roll over, but it is saying to check yourself. Your attitude, the way you say something (or in Greg’s case the way he doesn’t say something). I have learned that you really need to be honest with yourself and each other. You need to check yourself and your emotions, to make sure you are not unfairly taking something out on the other person. Communicating, and communicating well is vital. However, doing it in a respectful way is just as important.
One thing I HATE, is the ‘never go to bed angry’ advice. Because honestly, have you ever had a great fight at 2 am? yeah—me either… You are tired, you are grumpy, and it’s honestly just not ideal…
So in summary, try your best to understand your own feelings. Make sure you are not projecting those feelings onto your partner. Make sure you are communicating what is needed and wanted And sometimes biting your tongue is way better than getting in that final jab.
This one comes from Greg:
You need to be each others number one fan. I am talking support them, push them, take one for the team, don’t let their bad days define them–kind of support. I have learned that in 12 years, having a partner that always supports you, never talks negatively about you to others, and one you can trust to always have your back is invaluable. Having that kind of support makes it feel like you really can do anything. That kind of support builds relationships.
So, be each others #1 fan. Support your partner and talk about them in a way you would want them to talk and support you. Know that some days will not be 50/50, they will be 100/0, and you know what… that is okay. Being a good partner can mean putting in 100 and then picking your partner off the floor.